Love love love love love the night vision goggles. They are fantastic in the field, obviously, but what I really like to do is put them on and sneak into Woodhouse’s room while he’s asleep. Then I just sit by his bed and wait (but never for very long because, since he’s a thousand years old, he gets up about fifty times a night to pee). Then he wakes up to see these glowing green orbs staring at him, which literally scares the piss out of him. When he asks me what I’m doing, I say: ‘Everything is fine. Go back to sleep, Woodhouse. Everything is fine.’

“Night Vision Goggles,” from Gadgets in How to Archer by Sterling Archer (via leighway)
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